title? what title? theres supposed to be a title?
by silvreLake
Summary: The messed up and super lame version of Inuyasha R&R please! And for Kikyou haters, she's not even in this story. so blah.
1. Insert title cause i can't think of one

This story is basically the very messed up and lame version of the real Inuyasha. If you people have any questions about the names of most of the characters which I changed please ask. Keep in mind this is the lame and messed up version.

Disclaimer: why do we authors even have one of these when its obvious we don't own Inuyasha...

When Two Worlds

Collide

Disclaimer: Please do not read this story if you are easily offended by killing and un-realistic violence, or, if you do not want to receive any, and or probably permanent brain damage. Remember, you have been warned, I, will not attend your funeral because of this story, and, I, will definitely _not_ pay your medical bill.

Still reading? Then this is your last warning, if you are ready...

READ ON AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY!o

Modern Japan beside a Well

"You big fathead! What kind of brother dumps people's backpacks in a well?"

"Sorry Katomi... I was just putting your bag on the well so you would play with me if I told you where it was; it just kind of slipped..."

"Well Sota aka fathead, now _I_ have to jump _in _the well and get my bag! Grrrr!" _What a fathead, he's just sooo annoying. Now to get my bag..._

leaps in well

"This well sure is deep...huh?" Katomi landed on a grassy field, in the middle of it was guy a little older then she was; this person was wearing red, he had long silvery white hair, yellow eyes and white dog ears. Hewas leaning casually on a well and wasn't aware of Katomi.

"Hey! You, beside the well, where am I? What time is it?"

"What do you think dummy?"

"Umm, Japan inside a well year 2005?"

sigh "No dummy, feudal Japan."

"What? I went back in time through a well?"

"So it would seem dummy."

"Stop calling me that! I'm Katomi, What's your name?"

"My name's Inuyasha, what's that weird thing you're wearing?" Katomi was suddenly aware she was still wearing her school uniform, which hardly made any different as the only clothes she did own were 14 sets of school uniform.

"It's a school uniform."

"What's school, and what's a uniform?"

sigh"Never mind it. Are those ears real? I really want to touch...even though this isn't the time to do stuff like this."Tweak tweak

"Of course they're real, idiot poohead!"

"Hey! Don't call me that!"

Inuyasha snickers "Well you didn't want me to call you dummy..."

"Inuyasha, how am I supposed to get back to my _own _time?"

"How am I supposed to know? More importantly, where the hell am I? Anyway, _you're_ the one who got here; _you're_ going to be the one to get yourself back so blah."

"You big meanie!"

"Fine, I'll take you to Kaede. She's an old know-it-all and a smart old hag." Inuyasha led Katomi to a nearby village and into a cottage.

"Kaede! It's me, Inuyasha, with this weird Katomi girl from the future or something."

"Ye may enter."

"Ye?"

"Yes little girl, and ye will not mock stupid dubbing."

"Ok... Anyway, I need to go back to my own time."

"Why in such a hurry Katomi? Ye can stay for a few days with Inuyasha, and since he's half dog demon (that's the cause of the dog ears), he'll protect ye (though I highly doubt he'll do it without a fight.)" 5 seconds of dead silence later...

"WHAT! WHAT KIND OF A PINDEADED IDEA IS THAT? _SHE_ IS DEFINITELY NOT STAYING WITH ME! SO BLAH, GO AWAY TO YOUR OWN TIME AND LEAVE ME ALONE AND IN PEACE TO DIE!"

starts pouting

"Well, no one asked you to dog boy!"

Katomi and Inuyasha face off

"-...Both of ye are soooooo immature, its saddening! Especially ye Inuyasha! You are the most immature half-demon I've had the misfortune to encounter."

"I'm the _only_ half-demon you've encountered pinhead. And there is no way that human is staying with me so go away and die."

"Fine dog boy! I'm going home!"

"And _how_ are ye going to do that?"

"You'll tell me."

"No I won't. Ye have to stay with Inuyasha for a few days, and then I tell ye how to get back."

"WHAT! KAEDE! YOU'RE FORCING ME TO LET HER STAY WITH ME AND PROTECT HER? YOU ARE SOOOOO EVIL. I NEVER KNEW OLD LADIES COULD BE SOOOOO EVIL!"

"Calm down Inuyasha, I'm doing this for a reason. I've also decided to give ye a present right this moment for no apparent reason so it'll probably be a trap but you're to thick-headed to figure it out so blah."

"Really? What is it?"opens present"Nice necklace thingy"puts it on

"Now Katomi, tell Inuyasha to sit or else I'll get angry... not that its very threatening but blah."

"Ok. Inuyasha! Sit!"

"Katomi? Kaede? What the?"WHAM (and makes a 3 inch Inuyasha shaped hole in Kaede's floor)

"!#3#7#84!. KAEDE! WHAT WAS THAT FOR? WHAT KIND OF PRESENT MAKES YOU WHAM ON THE GROUND WHENEVER SOMEONE SAYS SIT? I CAN'T EVEN TAKE THIS BLOODY THING OFF! IT'S PERMANENT!"

"Calm down Inuyasha, and no, only when Katomi says sit ye will '_wham_' on the ground. And yes, that '_necklace thingy'_ is permanent."

"WHAT? WHY KAEDE? WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?"

"Nothing so shut up and go away."

"WHY!"

"It's just so Katomi can stop ye from doing stupid, thick-headed things."

"Grrrrrrr. I hate you all!"

"Kaede what did you mean by protecting me..."

"He can protect ye because he's a half demon, far stronger then the average human, he would be stronger but his intelligence is not very good so yeah."

"Protect me from what?"

"From the other _evil_ demons of course."

"Ok... but there is no such thing as demons in Japan."

"Yes there is. Ye will meet one soon enough so prepare to die."

"Do I have to protect her?"starts pouting again

"Yes. Or I'll tell Katomi to tell ye to sit again."

"Huh?"thinks about the pain "Well...fine then."continues pouting

"Now ye two, off ye go and leave I, Kaede, to die peacefully!"

"Bye Kaede!"

"Bye evil know-it-all-who-gives-neclace-thingys-that-make-you-wham-on-the-ground!"

"Inuyasha don't be so rude!"gives him her best 'I'll make you sit if you don't behave' look

"Aaaaaaaah! Ok, I'll be nice... when hell freezes over that is." Inuyasha took Katomi to a cave thingy.

"I'm not here very often. I'm usually off killing really big demons. So it's just a temporary place."

"Can I come with you?"

"No."

"Then what am_ I_ going to do?"

"Blah, I don't know. Fine, come with me. But don't blame me if you get killed."

"Yay I'm gonna get killed!"

"..."

"What do you kill demons with?"

"With my kickbutt Tetssaiga that I got from my dad. You should bring a weapon too." Near the cave Katomi spots a bow and arrow.

"How bout that bow and arrow?"

"Do you actually know how to use it?"

"No, it just looked less dangerous."

"... you're hopeless"

"I know, I realized that ages ago. Let me see if I can use that bow and arrow." Katomi took the bow and arrow and decided to shoot it on a tree nearby.

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! I actually did it."

"I didn't think you'd make it on the first shot."snickers

"Inuyasha! Be nice! SIT!"

WHAM

"!48E23. You meanpoo!" They bit each other's heads off all day, and the next, and the next, and the next, and then... A messenger boy came in the middle of whether Katomi should change into Feudal Japan clothes or just leave them the way they are.

"PEOPLE!"that got Inuyasha and Katomi's attention "Kaede told me to tell you to go to her in...2 minutes because she claims she is dying."

"Huh? 2 minutes? Let's go dummy. NOW!" They rushed to Kaede's house.

"Ok Kaede we came as soon as we heard you were dying even though you look perfectly fine."

"Yeah hag, you look very haggy so you should be fine."

"You're right I am fine. My messenger boy has an odd obsession about death, every time I tell that idiot messenger boy to deliver a message he tells the people I am dying. If I died every time he said I would, I would have died millions of times by now. The point is ye two will go back to Katomi's home and time by jumping down the well Inuyasha was leaning against, explain to your family the situation, and come back when Katomi feels like it and if you don't I'll punish you."

"So what will it be hag? Being sat? Incredibly boring lectures?"

"I'll take away all your food."

"WHAT? I HAVE TO STAY WITH HER AT _HER _TIME TOO? BUT IF I DON'T YOU'LL TAKE AWAY MY FOOD? THAT'S MURDER! YOU ARE SUCH A HAGGY HAG!"

"Yay! I can go home! Come on Inuyasha!" Katomi and Inuyasha went to the well and jumped. When they landed they found themselves next to the old well outside her house.

"Mom! Grandpa? Sota aka fathead? I'm home!"

"Katomi? You're back! Where were you (not that we missed you)? Who's that guy?" Katomi's mom and grandpa and Sota were waiting for an explanation.

Thats the end of the first lame chap. RR please! .


	2. Chapter blah, i mean uuuuuuuum 2

I'm soooooo sorry this is shorter then last times but blah. I wanted to end at the part where Naraku enters.

Disclaimer: blah, who would be thick headed enough to believe that I actually own Inuyasha?

RR please!

"I jumped in that old well in the shed in our yard and it took me back in time to Feudal Japan. There I met that _guy, _Inuyasha, and I stayed there for a few days."

"I don't believe you... (You'd have to be pretty darn thick to believe that)"

"WHAT? You're my _mother_! Besides look at Inuyasha aka poohead, his clothes aren't exactly, well, modern. I'm going back sometime, grandpa, can you tell the school that I'm sick or dead or something when I'm gone?" All this time Inuyasha just stands there.

"Sure! Love to!"starts thinking of ridiculously ridiculous illnesses or ways of death

"Ok, I believe you. Inuyasha can stay here for a while as long he doesn't destroy my precious lawn..."

"Thanks mom! We're going to go outside to destroy your precious lawn." Inuyasha followed Katomi, suddenly...

"Young man! You, stop there!" Inuyasha freezes "Are those ears real?" tweak tweak

"Yes." _Do all her family members have to do that?_

"Mom! It's my turn next! I want to touch!"

"Eeeeeeer, mom? Sota? This isn't the time to do stuff like that! Even though I've done it too but blah."

"Huh? Right!"

A few days later.

"Inuyasha, let's go back."

"Bout time..."

both of them leap in well

"Come on Inuyasha! Let's go to that cave thing." Inuyasha and Katomi stayed there for a while and they didn't get along too well. Than...

The messenger boy came.

"PEOPLE!"that got Inuyasha and Katomi's attention _again_ "Kaede told me to tell you to go to her in...2 minutes because she claims she is dying _again_."

"Huh? 2 minutes, and she's dying _again_? Let's go Katomi. NOW!" They rushed to Kaede's house.

"Ye two are late... 3 seconds! Not that I'm counting. This is URGENT!"

"Ok lady, it's URGENT, what is it?"

"500 years ago, there was an ancient priestess called Midoriko, she created a powerful jewel called the Shikon no tama, the Shikon Jewel, or the Jewel of four souls. The jewel was for killing evil demons and keeping Japan safe. For a time all was well, then an evil demon called... errrrrr, how am I supposed to know stole the jewel and made it evil. Midoriko managed to kill the evil dude and take the jewel back, but the evil dude gave her a fatal wound and she died (not that I care but the idiot author of this idiot story made me care so blah). Her last wish was to have the Shikon no tama burned with her. 500 years later (now) it has reappeared again. I traced its whereabouts and found out a demon Millipede, called Mistress Millipede has it, and is destroying things at a rate of 1 village per day. One more thing, apparently no one can squish her. One _more _thing, the millipede has already destroyed 61 villages. One _more_ thing, whoever is evil, and has a name like errrr... Naraku, can use the jewel for world domination, because it is the most powerful thing in the WORLD! So blah. I don't give a poo about it but I'm supposed to so blah, oh, and one more thing, I'm hungry."

"And what am _I_ supposed to do about it? By the way I don't care if you're hungry."

"Hey! Inuyasha! Me too!"

"Not you! _Me! _It's _my _story!"

"Ye _two_ are supposed to find Mistress Millipede, squish her, and bring the jewel to me so I can destroy it properly and end my pitiful career pretending to care about the jewel and also bring me some food."

"You make it seem sooo simple. And what do you mean by 'ye two'?"

"She means that I get to go too!"

"Awwwwwwww. Kaeeeeeede. You're sooo meeeeeean!"

"It took you this long to notice? Wow, you are dense."

"Well blah."

"Anyways, ye two will begin ye journey right now!"

"Yay! This will be so much fun! WE'RE GONNA DIE PATHETICALLY! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... YOU WANT TO DIE PATHETICALLY? HOW STUPID!"

"It's not as if you don't want to die."

"Of course I don't want to die! Are you crazy and insane and psychotic?"

"Yes."

"Well blah. Lets get out of this pitiful hag's hut and die."

Naraku's Castle Thingy

"I, Naraku, master, of this castle thingy have decided to have world domination, but it will require some ingredients. Let's see, one Naraku, to dominate, check, one world to get dominated, check, one Shikon no tama, not check, I, Naraku, will have to get one. One enemy... hmmm, let me see in my mirror that can search Japan for anything at all. Ah! I see my enemies, Inuyasha and Katomi, I, Naraku, will probably have more, but at least I have some already. What am I supposed to do with enemies anyway? I remember my mommy teaching me some things about it... let me think... ah yes, I remember... you are supposed to send other demons to kill them and enjoy the view... so in other ways I'm supposed to kill them. I know my plan will succeed, because my mother told me that I am too stupid for my own good, and she's right!... What did I say! Oh well. Kukukukukukukukukukukukukuku! (Evil laugh)"laughs maniacally for a couple of days

Thanx sooo muck if u reviewed and thanx to madsciencetistvand who was my official first reviewer!

RR!


	3. Chapter 3, so blah, don't forget to revi...

Hello! Thanx to Dancing Pickle for reviewing and yes I admit, I don't like my beginning as much as the rest of my story. RR please!

Disclaimer: stop harassing me, I don't own Inuyasha so blah

At This Village Thingy

Inuyasha and Katomi traveled (and argued) for several days until they came to a village. A weird Monk gone wrong called Miko invited them to stay for the night.

"What are you two doing out here in the middle of nowhere where there are crazy monks like me?"

"We were looking for a millipede demon, so I can kick her stupid, lousy, over sized butt."

"Can I join you on your journey? Will you bear my child? I've got this nasty Wind tunnel thingy on my right hand. This guy cursed my grandpa with it now I have it!" Miko's words got him into some huge trouble, courtesy of Inuyasha.

"What... did... you... ask... Katomi!"

"Will you bear my child! Duh. Are you deaf?"

PUNCH BONK KICK after Miko regained consciousness, he explained himself.

"I, Miko, would like to join you on your journey, and I apologize for the rudeness earlier."

"Sure you can join Miko; we could always use some extra help!"

"Thanks Katomi!"

"No, we don't need help. Grrrrrrr!"

"Inuyasha..."

"I don't want him to come."scowls

"SIT!"

WHAM "4#! Meanie!"

"Sorry Miko. He can be nice _sometimes_."

"Let us have a good night sleep so we can continue our journey in full speed and get killed lamely!"

Inuyasha scoffs "I'm faster than you'll ever be Miko, because _I_, unlike _you_, have demon blood in my veins."

The next day Inuyasha, Katomi, and Miko continued on the road. At the end of a looooong day of arguing, the three travelers stopped at another village. A girl called Hitomi invited them to stay in her cottage.

"What are you weird people doing? Can I join you on your journey, or whatever you're doing? I am a demon exterminator and might be of some use."

"I, Miko, would certainly not have a problem with that! By the way...will you bear my child?" This statement resulted as a loud...

SLAP "I THOUGHT YOU WERE A MONK!" Katomi sweat dropped.

"Don't worry Hitomi, don't take Miko's, eeeeer, 'request' seriously, he asked me the same thing when we first met. And it would be great if you join! If it were just I, Katomi, with these two boys, it would be way too weird, now we can so much fun! Now we can kill them together!"

"Yeah Katomi! I guess that it's good to have a balance of boys and girls, this way it's easier to kill the boys!"

"Resisting... urge... to... beat... everyone... up!"Vein pop Inuyasha promptly starts beating everyone up...

(Due to the severity of this attack and out of respect for the reader, this scene has been omitted, please use your imagination of the violence)

"SIT BOY!" (You can probably guess who said that)

WHAM Inuyasha, unluckily, whams on a slab of stone used for sharpening weapons and goes unconscious.

"_Never_ overestimate the amount of Inuyasha's self-control, and _never, _underestimate the force of the almighty 'sit'!" Miko announced this piece of extremely philosophical information with strangely unfocused eyes and a huge lump on the head this was probably the result of Inuyasha losing his self-control and smacking Miko more then 3 times a second to the head. (Author's Note: This might cause permanent brain damage for Miko, so peoples, if you feel like sending your siblings to the mental hospital, try Inuyasha's method. The author is not responsible for any permanent damage even though you probably wouldn't care if there was any permanent damage). Hitomi was impressed by that little speech written by Miko.

"That was deep...I think you might live a bit longer after all..."

Naraku's Castle Thingy 

I, Naraku, have just realized that I have two new enemies to kill. And I, Naraku, am still needing the Shikon No Tama. I have decided to send a whole bunch of my demon servants to stop Inuyasha and his meddling friends which my mommy told me to kill!"

The Road

The next morning Inuyasha was in a super bad mood, probably due to the fact Katomi muttered 'sit' in her sleep, which made him wake up all of a sudden and wham on the floor a second time.

"Look, I'm sorry Inuyasha! I didn't mean to..."

"Hmmph!"

Sigh "I said I was sorry!"

Inuyasha starts pouting, crosses his arms, turns away, and pretends not to be listening

"Don't worry Katomi that's the way boys are, if they continue this immature behaviour we can kill them later with my Hiraikotsu a giant boomerang I have that I use to fight demons with."

"I, Miko, hope we meet that millipede soon, so Inuyasha can start acting his age."

"AHEM! I heard that Miko, if it weren't for Katomi, you wouldn't even BE here right now!" Suddenly a grayish fuzzy cloud appeared, and moved toward them.

"Inuyasha..."

"Now what!"

"Should I be screaming and running to no apparent destination about that abnormally large grayish fuzzy thing moving toward us at an alarming rate?"

"Ummmmmmm...yes."

"Why?"

"BECAUSE IT ISN'T A CLOUD! IT'S THOUSANDS OF DEMONS ABOUT TO KILL US!"

"Oh, ok then. COMMENCE SCREAMING AND RUNNING TO NO APPARENT DESTINATION!"starts screaming and running to no apparent destination

"Don't worry Katomi! My sword RULES! Watch me as I blast them apart!"blasts all the demons apart in one swing

"Wow Inuyasha! I didn't know you could blast/kill all those demons in one swing!"

"I didn't either."

"..."

"This is wonderful Hitomi! Then you and I don't have to do anything! We can sit back and eat!"

"Be quiet Miko! I wanted to fight!"Whams his head with Hiraikotsu (her giant boomerang) and Miko falls down unconscious

Naraku's Castle Thingy

"Hmmmmm, it seems that I, Naraku, under estimated Inuyasha. I will not do that again. I will wait for them to get the Shikon no tama, let than have it for a few weeks, than I will snatch it away!"Laughs manically for a few more days "I, Naraku, am sooo smart thanks to my mother! Kukukukukukuku!"

I hope you peoples enjoyed this chapter, and yes I know, I named Miroku Mikopriestess. It was an accident! I swear! By the time I found out, it was too late to change and I would have been too lazy to change it anyway. So from now on MikoMiroku RR please!

HitomiSango


	4. Chapter 4 sry i didn't update sooner

I'm soooooooo sry I haven't updated in a while but hmk and blah.  
Disclaimer: don't own it do u? if u ur soooooo lucky

The Road

Inuyasha, Katomi, Miko, and Hitomi traveled for a few more days; finally they arrived at the cave of Mistress Millipede.

"Yes we finally arrived! Now I can go kick some millipede tushy! Let's go!"

"I am mistress Millipede, I am strong and stupid, you will not defeat me!"

"Hell yeah I will! Watch me!" cuts

revives"See? I am indestructible! That is because I have the sacred Shikon no Tama in my heart!"

"Thanks for telling me!"

"Oopsie." At that moment Katomi shot an arrow and it went down Mistress Millipede's throat.

"Aaaagh!"Choke "My throat!" choke "Eeeeeerk!"Choke cough cough cough "Ooh it seems I accidentally coughed and choked my Jewel out! Good thing I got that arrow out of my throat though! Otherwise I would have died quite pathetically even though I probably will anyway!"

At that moment Katomi shot another two arrows at once. One went down Mistress Millipede's throat again, the other hit the jewel and it exploded. Lots and lots of really teeny pieces of the jewel flew all over Japan like fireworks. Meanwhile...

"Aaaagh!"Choke "My throat!" choke "Eeeeeerk!"Choke, cough, cough, cough "Hey you shattered my jewel! Meanie!"continues choking

"Katomi! What did you do that for!"

"I don't know. I had to help because she can regenerate so no matter how many times you cut her she will always regenerate so blah."

"Once I figure out what you said, ok... nice explanation. The only part I understood was 'so blah', so blah."

"..."

"Now I will suck Mistress Millipede up!"

"How are you going to do that Miko? Like a vacuum, cleaner?"

"No Katomi. What's a vacuum cleaner? Does it kill things?"

sigh "Never mind."

"Wait! I, Inuyasha, have decided that right now is a good time to kick Mistress Millipede's tushy!"kick

"YEOW!"continues choking

"Now watch I, Miko's, wind tunnel!" ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Miko unwraps his right hand and a black hole in his palm sucks in the choking Mistress Millipede, than he wraps it up again.

"Wow Miko! That is so cool isn't it Inuyasha!"

"Hmmph!"

"..."

"Inuyasha..."

"What?"

"I broke the jewel with my arrow..."

"But... but...but... but! Oh dammit! Crap! Shit! When you broke the jewel the fragments flew all over the place!"

Inuyasha, Katomi, Miko, and Hitomi only found 1 pathetic fragment of the shattered jewel.

In A Volcano 

Inside the volcano there was a dog demon; in his human-like form he had long silky, silvery white hair like Inuyasha, except even longer. He also had cold, yellow, expressionless eyes, claws and fangs, and red eye shadow. This demon's wrist and side of his face also had reddish, purplish marks (the sign of a pure-blood plus high class demon).

(Note: His few emotions are, normal cold look, anger, pouting, and only smiling when he's about to kill something)

"I, Sesshoumaru, am pathetic Inuyasha's half brother."starts pouting "why does pathetic little Inuyasha get Tetssaiga, while I, much superior, gets the Tenseiga? That is why I, Sesshoumaru, came to this volcano with my lowly and highly pathetic frog demon servant Jaken who's stupidity never fails to amaze me, so I can find the sword smith Toutousai to forge me a sword better than Tetssaiga if he doesn't I will wring his pathetic neck."

"Lord Sesshoumaru, why do we _have_ to go to Lord Toutousai to forge the sword?"(Jaken is a huge whiner)

"Because, idiot, Toutousai was the sword smith who forged Tetssaiga and Tenseiga!"

"Lord Sesshoumaru, you say that Lord Toutousai already forged the Tenseiga, it must be very powerful! What is its power?"

"Do you really want to know?" takes out Tenseiga, and slices Jaken in half

"Huh! Why mi lord? Why?"falls down in two halves

Sesshoumaru kicks Jaken's body a few times

"Quit faking! Get up Jaken you're fine!"Jaken lays lifelessly on the ground

"He's dead... oh, no... Hey, this isn't my Tenseiga!" Sesshoumaru takes out his real Tenseiga and slices.

Sesshoumaru kicks Jaken's body a few more times and Jaken gets up and begins rambling.

"How can I be fine? You just cut me in half?"

sigh "That is the problem Tenseiga is a sword that can't kill!"

"Than let us find Lord Toutousai!" Sesshoumaru and Jaken walked inside a cave where an old guy with white hair tied in a little ponytail and really funny huge eyeballs was resting.

Sesshoumaru kicks him a few times "Forge me a sword!"

"Ah, Sesshoumaru I see you have come to me, but I will not forge you a sword, I already did so go away and leave this old man to die in peace."

"Grrrrrrr. Don't... make... me... use...force!"

"Huh!"looks terrified "Fine, I'll forge you a sword right away Sesshoumaru! Come back to pick it up in a few months when I'm dead!"continues looking terrified

"I'm glad you came to your senses Toutousai! Otherwise it would have been the end for you!"

Pleeeeeeeease review! I hope u liked this chap. -


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